The movie…

So, Oliver had heard of this movie well before I had. I think that was a God-thing really. Oliver told me later that, when he saw the trailer, he immediately knew I shouldn’t/wouldn’t be able to go see it. I (thankfully) didn’t see the trailer until after we knew squishy was on the way. So, when it actually hit theaters, we were eager to go. What I didn’t realize was how raw our pain continues to be. Within the first 5 minutes of the film I had tears streaming down my face and Oliver said he was feeling quite emotional too. The movie begins with a couple, sitting in a fertility doctor’s office, being told they “gave it a good fight, but it’s time to stop trying”. Oh, how that familiar ache came flooding back into my heart. Later in the movie, people innocently dig spears into that wound with lines like “I thought you’d have a real kid first — you know, your own” and similar painful statements. By the end of the movie I was full of warm-fuzzies from the story line, but emotionally drained from the reminders.

It’s amazing how quickly you think the wound is healed when really, it can still be quite raw underneath. Things often bring back that flood of pain for us, and often catched me off guard. Oliver is really amazing at always assuming the best of people. This is an area he has really helped me grow in – but an area I need to continue to work on. It’s so easy to feel hurt by people’s innocent actions. We are finally able to welcome our own blessing,  but people inadvertantly jab us in our still open wound. Statements like “it’s about time..” and “this is your mom’s second grandbaby right? You didn’t have the first?” knock the wind out of you. I foolishly thought it would ALL be better once our baby was on the way. But what I realize more each day is that I carry battle wounds that are still raw. Still real. Some people thought that, after over 2 years of battling infertility I should have become “numb” to the world of “baby” all around me, and that I should just get over the pain. Now it’s as if I am expected to be numb to what we just went through, now that it is over. But I don’t think those are things that I should become numb too – God allowed us to go through that trial to grow us and change us. If I become numb to these pains, I become numb to the lessons He taught us. And if I become numb, I won’t be able to cry with my fellow couples who are going through their own similar journeys. So being raw hurts – a lot. But there is a reason for it.

Please … go watch the movie. And while you watch it, please be aware of the innocent things people say that hurt the couple so much. And vow NEVER to say these things to ANY couple. You never know their circumstances.

Please …. raise you own awareness and the awareness of others. Those of us who experience(d) this valley will be eternally grateful.

<3 Tara (and Oliver!)

1 Comment on A Must See…

  1. I definitely want to see this movie!! As someone who struggled with (and overcame infertility too!!), I can tell you that the pain of your infertility unfortunately does not go away 🙁 It lessens but there is still that wound in your heart knowing and remembering what you went though and hearing about what other people are going through brings up the memories.. I am in no way saying that I am a better mother because I struggled with infertility and miscarriages but I feel that it helped me to be a more laid back mother and to appreciate the crying/screaming sleepless nights because I knew that those little boys were truly blessings and miracles from God.. Savor every minute of your pregnancy and after that precious baby is born you will tell yourself “this is the baby that God was perfecting for us, it just took Him a little longer to create him!”. 🙂

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