Blessings through tears

News and debates between doctors continue. We’re learning to guard our emotions and instead approach each new piece of information with calm and wisdom. Now, this doesn’t mean there aren’t still heated shouts of “why!” or tears. But we’re realizing nothing is set in stone until baby boy arrives.

  • We have another echo scheduled for Thursday with the Good Sam cardiologist. We are hoping to get any last pieces of information from her that we need to know for the surgery on Monday.
  • We also got an e-mail from our OB – she has TENTATIVELY regained permission for Oliver to be in the OR for the delivery. This still can be revoked at any time, so we’ll calmly wait and see.
  • She also says that the CURRENT mandated time on the cardiac floor has been returned to 24 hours. Again, this can be changed at any time. But people are at least asking questions and trying to find us answers, and for that we are grateful.

We asked our OB about hiring a “private duty nurse”. We are wondering if that would increase our chances of having the baby with mom more, because it wouldn’t demand time from their nurses to come to the cardiac floor (if that is even allowed). She didn’t seem to take our request seriously, and we realize she has more pressing matters she is dealing with regarding Tara’s care. And we understand – her responsibility really is Tara, not baby boy. So, we’ve taken up that as our own task. God really lead the phone calls through the right channels, and we’ve already spoken to the head of case management at the hospital. He actually sounded excited about our idea and is seeking out the right people to figuring out if it’s doable.

We have also been working hard to educate ourselves on c-sections. There is so much more to take into consideration. What can we do to increase our chances of a VBAC next time? What will the healing time look like? How can we increase our efficiency with the healing process? What will all of these things make more difficult for us after delivery?

One thing is clear – this has a STRONG chance of making breastfeeding more difficult. We are passionate about ONLY breastfeeding our son. So, this is another task we’ve taken up and are seeking information on our own. Tara had already attended a La Leche League meeting, but she went to this month’s meeting and received some great information from the leaders and other moms there. We’ve had our pump checked and it is in great working order. Tomorrow Tara is going to the hospital to get “measured” for the best fit for the pump, as well as discussing whether it would be best to use ours or the hospitals to ensure baby gets the most colostrum possible while away from mom. We’re also hoping she can meet with some of the Lactation Consultants and schedule for them to meet her as soon as possible on the cardiac floor.

A lot is happening, a lot isn’t… but this is the path we’ve been set on. So we will continue to walk forward, knowing we can rest assured Someone bigger and wiser is guiding our steps.

A more personal note …

I posted back in September about songs and lyrics that have meant a lot to us during our battle with infertility. Silly me, I thought “Blessings” was an anthem for our past. But it hit me yesterday, as I sat crying in my car, that it is still my anthem. And it will probably continue to be my anthem as I am a mom to this precious little man.

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

There are mercies hidden in this trial … we just don’t see them now. But hopefully we will soon. If not, it’ll probably one of our top 5 questions for God when we get to heaven *smile*

Please continue to lift us up – we covet your prayers as we head into the last week preparing to meet our son …

<3 Tara and Oliver

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