So I posted yesterday about the factual side of Liam’s lip tie and suspected tongue tie. All the details I’ve wrapped myself in. But I also want to be honest and open about the “real” side of this all. How my heart is. I am trusting God in all of this… but let’s be honest.
I am mad.
I am sad.
I am worried.
I am scared.
I am shattered.
If I give myself a moment to sit and think, I just want to cry. The image of what Thursday will hold is just overwhelming. We have to pin my child down to a table and violate his personal space. He won’t understand. He won’t know why. He’s going to be angry and scared and probably slightly traumatized. And this makes me mad. As a mommy I am FURIOUS. I am mad with the lactation consultant who blew me off. I’m mad at myself for not pushing for this more when he was younger – heck, we could have had this taken care of while he was in the hospital for his FIRST surgery. I’m mad that my child has to go through even more procedures. I feel like he has had his fair share already with pyloric stenosis, barium enemas, etc.
But this isn’t a pity party. This is just me being real. And of course, there is always a “moral” to my story. It’s given me time to think about what is helpful from others when in this situation (much like my tips for infertility) and what is NOT helpful. So, before you reply to me or anyone else, let me give you a few small tips for when you have friends going through something.
Don’t sensationalize, don’t compare and don’t downplay.
Here is what I mean …
I already am sensationalizing and blowing this all way out of proportion in my own head. Please don’t say things that add fuel to the wild fire of my imagination. “Wow, he’ll probably remember this…” or “I wonder if this will traumatize him long term” or “wow, he will probably be really angry with you…” can stay locked up inside your head please. I have probably already thought it and don’t need someone speaking it into my life. Validate what I am feeling, and speak understanding into my life. “I would be so scared too” or “I can’t imagine, but I’m here for you…”
Yes, I realize I am blessed. I realize there are children out there going through way worse. I realize your child may have been through way worse. But let me hurt. Let me be mad and sad and tired. And don’t compare your child’s much more minor incidences (“My kid fell off his bike, I know how hard it is to see your child hurt”) to this situation either. Just… let’s not play the compare game. Let’s play the “we’re mom’s, and we’re here for each other” one instead. That one is a lot more needed, appreciated and helpful.
Even if you’ve been through this, consider that whole “hindsight is 20/20”. It may seem less “big” on the other side, but from where I stand it is HUGE and overwhelming and painful. This goes hand in hand with the “don’t compare” point. We all have our trials on the path God has given us … when someone says “this is hard” let us surround them. Not “blow it off”. Don’t stand at the bottom of the mountain and tell me “it’s not that big”. Don’t stand at the top of it and tell me “it’s easy”. Don’t stand on your own mountain and say “Yours isn’t as hard/steep/etc as mine”.
This is our mountain to climb today, will you climb it with us?