Confessions of an Infertility Survivor

The picture I am about to show you is a “skeleton in my  closet”. The image is quite embarrassing really. Something almost no one knows about. If you have ever come over to our house, you would think I keep a relatively neat home. [We are actually last minute “shove it in the closet because someone is coming over” people -but that is a story for another time.] We are working to improve our ability to keep a clean home and a place where we can extend hospitality to friends and family. However, we never let people go upstairs. And when I mean never… I mean *NEVER*. There are only two rooms up there, ours and a spare room. We partially do this just because we like our privacy. But there is another reason…

This is the room across from our bedroom upstairs. It is actually connected to the master through the bathroom. From the moment we looked at this home, we knew this would make a perfect baby room. Many know we had lovely long-term house guests when we first moved into our house, so this was to be our temporary office while rooms downstairs were occupied. We moved in my grandfather’s old desk, crafting supplies, etc. But that’s where I hit a wall. I didn’t want this to be an office – I wanted it to be a nursery. As many of you know from reading our story, baby didn’t come as planned. I found myself at an impasse. I couldn’t unpack boxes and organize, because I didn’t want to put the effort into something that would change – hopefully quickly. I couldn’t empty the room, because I couldn’t stand to look at an empty “nursery-to-be”. That just hurt too much. So the room has stayed like this for almost 3 years.

Why am I telling you this? Because it’s another facet of infertility that we kept hidden from the outside world. Because it’s something that can show the debilitating pain of infertility and the way it directly impacts all aspects of your life. A whole room of our house, unused, because of the pain of waiting for our baby.

The good news is, God’s blessing is only 4.5 months away. And with that… this room is finally being emptied. Beginning today. Another milestone in our journey to becoming us + 1.

Praise the Lord *smile*

<3 Tara and Oliver