Trusting and Hurting

We know God has a plan, and we are willing to go with it. But there are also some huge decisions we have to make and we are praying really hard for wisdom in following His will for the baby’s birth. This whole blog has been about us being honest with how this all impacts us. So I’m not going to lie and say we’re doing great. We’re hurting. A lot. We put a lot of effort and planning and dreaming about Squishy’s “birth day”, and a lot of it has been taken away. There have been a LOT of tears in this house, as we honestly and truly go through the five stages of loss.

  1. We have denied that anything was going to be different.
  2. We have been VERY angry at the doctors (especially those who, according to other specialists, are blowing this all WAY out of proportion).
  3. There has been bargaining.. “if only I hadn’t gone to that last appointment, we wouldn’t be dealing with this!”.
  4. Now we are living between “depression” and “acceptance”.

Now hear me out, we aren’t depressed in the sense of needing an intervention immediately. More along the lines of sadness – loss of the plans we had for our delivery. Loss of a part of the pregnancy we had waited for, right along with conception, for many many many years. Now we know, it’s ALWAYS God’s plans over ours. And we are accepting that. But we are still hurting. So a word of advice for anyone offering comfort to those dealing with a loss – no matter how small. If you go back to “Our Story” you’ll see my quote from another blogger about how to encourage others … but to sum it up: we need you to acknowledge our pain and hurting. We know we need to trust God, we know it will all happen according to His plan, we know we are not in charge. What we need to hear is “I’m sorry… this has to be hard” and “How are you doing?” and “This sucks”. Not how successful so-and-so’s c-section was, not your sage wisdom on the topic, not belittling the seriousness we put on this matter – comfort and a listening ear.

I’m not saying this to make ANYONE feel bad, nor do I have any specific person in mind when writing this. And I’m not saying that if you HAVE told us to “have faith” (or something similar) that you are a horrid person. I’m just giving you insight into our perspective. It’s the therapist in me *smile*

<3 Tara and Oliver







One response to “Trusting and Hurting”

  1. Brandie Avatar

    Your post through this pregnancy have taught me how to deal with my loss. Thank you

    I love you and I feel your pain. My staff, Lifegroup and Brian and I are praying deeply for you all.

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