Forget answers, more questions

Last night we sat down and created a list of 32 questions for our OB today. It was our last appointment before the c-section next Monday, and I needed to have a ‘picture’ in my head before I arrived at the hospital next week. I was feeling ready, and strong, and excited to know what was going to happen. I just wish I hadn’t left crying and defeated once again…

Our scheduled c-section time shifted slightly, it has now been pushed back to noon (meaning we must arrive at the hospital at 10am). That was no big deal. Our OB also informed us that the anesthesiologist was hand picked by the cardiologist and is supposed to be absolutely fantastic. More good people on our team! But the good news stopped there…

• We’ve been booted back to the OR and no permission has yet to be granted for Oliver to join me. So I am facing not only a c-section, but a c-section alone.
• Because it’s in the OR, they will take the baby straight to maternity while I get “stitched up”. No skin-to-skin … I can’t even touch my baby. I’ll get one look at him before they take him, when the OB holds him up for me to see before giving him to the nurses.
• I’ll be then put into recovery and eventually transferred to the cardiology floor, where my stay has possibly been upped back to 48 hours again.
• Currently no permission has been granted for the baby to visit me on the cardiac floor. They are trying to get permission for him to have short visits with a nurse from the nursery. Without the nurse, he cannot come to my room, and he can only stay as long as she can.
• It is not known whether anyone can stay with me on the cardiac floor, and no one can stay with the baby overnight in the nursery.

It’s amazing how much our priorities have changed the more this has developed. From a 3 page, all natural, birth plan with detailed instructions … to begging hospital administration to allow my husband to be in the OR with me and to be allowed to even see my baby. Oliver has been amazing through it all, constantly my rock and my support … and my optimism. We know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that there is a reason for all of this. Our God is not one to abandon us in our time of need. If anything, we are learning to rely on Him more and more.

<3 Tara and Oliver